i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
