So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
