How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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