after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
