I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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