woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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