my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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