Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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