These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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