My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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