She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
