All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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