well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.