Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.