I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
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dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.