BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.