the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He came all over her clothes we have to leave