Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize