I wish I could punch you in the face.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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