I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
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All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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