I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
