You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
