I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
