it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize