Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
