oh god the rape fog is back!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
