No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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