Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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