Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
