Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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