dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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