it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
