can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
