You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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