just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
