idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
