those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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