Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
