bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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