So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
