Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
