It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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