So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
