there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
