i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
