I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
