I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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