I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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