you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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