I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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