someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
