I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize