Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
