If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
