Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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