the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
