At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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