The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
