i don't like sucking hair
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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