I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
