Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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