apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
