its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
