there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
