..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
