Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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