the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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